Deborah (debris4spike) wrote,

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You Know You're From ESSEX ~ CORNWALL When .... Meme

This morning as I was looking through my f-list I saw a meme on the LJ of rivertempest 

1. Go to Google (or Yahoo) and type, "You know you're from (your state) when..."
2. Cut and paste the list.
3. Bold the items that apply to you.

Well I changed it slightly - and have 2 lists on one English county (the one I come from ... and lived in till I was 25) and the other from the County (or more technically the Duchy) that I have lived in for 24 years now.  Two of those list come from that dreaded FaceBook, the other from another BLOG ....

You Know You're From Essex When...

You say "town" and expect everyone to know which one.

You have never been to The Tower or Madame Tussauds but love Brighton.

You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Colchester to Ipswich at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Dorset on a map.

Hookers and the homeless are invisible.

You step over people who collapse on the bus

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

You've considered stabbing someone.

Your door has more than three locks.

Your favourite movie has Sean Bean in it.

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a garden.

You know where Karl Marx is buried.

You consider Suffolk the "countryside"

You think Hyde Park is "nature."

You own hiking boots and a 4WD vehicle

You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since 1977, and when you did, it terrified you.

You pay £2.75 for a pint and £2.50 for half a pint without blinking

You don’t take fashion seriously.

Being truly alone makes you nervous.

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.

The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.

You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.

You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.

You have a criminal record

If you don’t you should

You’ve been threatened with a cricket bat before

You know if you like rock music you’re as good as dead

You support CUFC or Ipswich Town and can argue about them for hours before realising they both suck

You don't hear sirens anymore.

Your cleaner is Russian, your grocer is Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favourite bartender is Irish, your favourite diner owner is Greek, the watch-seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsagent is Indian and your favourite falafel guy is Egyptian.

You wouldn't want to live anywhere else until you get married.

You say 'mate' constantly

Anyone not from Essex is a 'wanker'

Anyone from outside Essex and north of the Watford Gap is a 'Northern Wanker'

You have no idea where the North is.

The countryside makes you nervous

Somebody speaks to you on the bus and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.

You talk in cockney sometimes to see if people actually understand it

You own a modded Ford Fiesta or the equivalent

Hordes of hooded hooligans are common sights to you

You talk in postcodes. "God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day"

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Essex.

You know you're from Essex when.....

You've been to Colchester Castle on a school trip.

You know what Bas Vegas is.

You Christmas shop in Lakeside.

You stand behind Jodie Marsh in the supermarket.

You scream out Essex when you're drunk and just outside London when your sober.

You recognise that water is pronounced with a silent t.

You've heard every Essex girl joke under the sun and they still aren't funny, just disgusting.

You once thought that a train on a pier was cool.

You remember when Southend Pier used to be the longest pier in the world.

You get a little excited when Eastender's ventures into Essex for one episode.

You know or know someone who knows someone who has been on Big Brother.

You know what Chelmo is short for.

The drink Lambrini is very familiar to you.

You overuse the word mate to complete strangers.

You say shut up a lot.

You say 'you what' a lot.

Peter Pan's playground was a highlight of your childhood.

People think you are posh because you don't have a tattoo.

You've been to a lot of different garden centres.

You go on holiday to Kavos or the like and see the same people as home.

Even when abroad people laugh at you when you tell them where you're from.

You have to dress up as a chav and don't have to buy anything.

You go to the ogs ead at ornchurch. (Have done, when I lived there).

You go out wearing a top that doesn't cover your belly...or belly button.

You commonly state that Bluewater is full of 'posh shops.'

You get your acrylic nails done for any occasion.

You mix up 'are' and 'our'.

You use 'Mug' as an insult and not for describing a drinking implement.

You pronounce Essex 'Essix'.

You say things like "My light don't work" or "I fink it's broke".

You pronounce Dagenham 'Dagnam' or just "NAAAM"

You say "You know wot i mean" a lot!

Bus drivers often pull over to chat up a girl on the street!

You descrive people as "a rite sort" or "well fit...!!!"

People all over the world know the Essex stereotype, and constantly remind us when we go abroad! When you say you're from Essex a common reply is "O yer Essex girls we like Essex girls"

You can spot an Essex boy because he's got the tribal band on his arm!

You drive a white xr3i, or ford escort gti (or such!)

Blacked our windows on a Ford Focus are typical.

To men Essex women (even strangers) are known as "M'Love" (My Love) or "Babe".

When you go to a club out side of Essex (i.e. Butlins in Bognor) you shout "You what! You what! You what you what you what!" a lot!!!!

Essex girls in clubs dance around their handbags after a bottle of Blossom Hill Rose.

Everyone has heard of Dukes.

You spell stuff the way it's said, "Whotya doin' laters?"

Garage music makes you homesick.

Two words. Jog On

You drive your modified car to the 24hr McDonalds to show how cool you are.

You’ve been taken on a date to McDonalds with someone in a modified car.

You recognise the people on “Essex Wives”

Jacks in Ilford is familiar to you.

You know the difference between Woodgreen and Woodford Green.

You know the difference between Harold Wood and Harold Green

You’ve watched Channel U.

You know you're from Essex when you say words like....

INIT- Isn't it.
EFTY - Considerable. "Ere, Trace, this credit card bill's a bit efty."
EJOG - A small, spiky animal (hedgehog).
FINGY - A person or object whose name doesn't come to mind. "I ad it off wiv fingy last night."
FONG - Skimpy undergarment.
HAITCH - Letter of the alphabet between G and I.
LEVVA - Material made from the skin of an animal.
MA BLARCH - An arch near Hyde Park.
PACIFIC - Specific.
ROOFLESS - Without compassion.
SAWTED - Done, arranged, resolved
WANNED UP - Tense. "I'm all wanned up at the moment."
SAFF - South.

GAF- House
WEBBATS - Querying the location.

CORT A PANDA - A rather large hamburger
AWSS- Horse
BRANNA - 'Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?'

You know you're from Cornwall when.....

Going to the beach involves a ten minute row with your mates about which one

You can get your mobile phone's predictive texting to recognise "dreckly" and "wosson".

You can reverse with ease around the tiny backroads - because someone has to, and it wont be the Emmet in the BMW

You know what Emmet means...

You use the phrases "Where's that to?", "Proper Job" and "Maid" 

And other classic phrases like:

"As teasy as a bag of wasps"

Hello my lover!'

"matter do ee?"

Twas an ansom drop of crib

And you hate Emmets

You know how to make a Cornish Pasty, and you know that ginsters aren't 'Proper Cornish'

You can talk to 'locals' and make out what they're saying ... just

You know about Porthemmet beach

You don't stop to look at wild rabbits anymore. You've seen it all before

But you will rescue rabbits and other small animals from cat attack on occasion (without squeling)

Being stuck behind a herd of cows is a plausible reason for being late to work

You can name at least three types of Cornish real ale, and have probably tried drinking it at some point (only to realise what a bad idea that was)

You have met at least one of the town criers

You know that Flambards sucks, but still go there every Summer

You know that anyone from "Over the Bridge" should be hated and feared in equal measure

You know what Saffron cake is

When everywhere else is " up country"

You have decided a favourite between Rowes and Warrens

You get worried if you go out and don't bump into someone you know

You know that there is never any real news to report in Cornwall (when something major happens, you're super surprised...)

You have accepted that there is probably no mobile phone reception in your house/village, unless you stand on a manhole cover / under that tree / in the bath ...

You know when dreckly is ... and can use the word in a sentence

You try and cover up your accent when out of the county, but relapse when around family

You have a strong opinion on the is Cornwall a Country arguement

You use the phrases:

'I'll do it dreckley'
'Where you to?'
'you beastly begger'
"you'm proper daft"
'rough as rats'
costy much diddy?'
'gibmere aminut'
Goin f ra drink winnus?

Oh boy - I'm more Essex than I thought!  ... But there's a bit of Cornish in there as well.

Funny really as Mum isn't Essex, I had no friends as a teen, and friends at college were from all over the world, and I only lived in Essex for 19 years, and have live in Cornwall for 24 ... you'd think that my Essex would be less.  But ... even some of the ones I didn't bold I know that when I'm in the area I take as normal.

Tags: cornwall, essex, meme

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