I am putting this under the cut, as I don't want to offend ... and is fairly melancholy.
In my morning studies, I have been looking at the stories in The Pentateuch ... and am reminded at how often The Children of Israel forgot God. He had rescued them from slavery, yet they went looking for other gods ... other leaders.
It made me realise today, how often I stray away from God's path ... I want to do what He wants, be where He wants ... yet, I keep returning to that one sin ...
I wish I could remember, at all times, that lovely dedication at the end of Joshua -
"As for me, I will serve God"
However much I write this, think it ... pray ... yet I still find I can't escape from that undercurrent at present. I know there is no easy answer, I know that being a Christian doesn't take away the problems - yet, I still wish they did. Isn't that awful, that I want to be the one who doesn't have to abide by the rules that, at the bottom of me, I know are right.
I'm not writing this for sympathy for those who are actually reading - mostly to remind myself, that I do believe in those "rules" - I must just learn to accept them (again), as I did up till recentlt ... and start fully living again.