Deborah (debris4spike) wrote,
Deborah
debris4spike

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I Am Slowly Getting Myself Together

I have this week off, and although there is lots I should be doing, I am going to take the advice of an amazing friend and rest more than work. In some ways it feels so wrong, but then I think of yesterday morning when I didn't wake up till gone 10am. For the first time in 3 years I haven't been tuned into my phone, and for the first time ever I haven't got to account for my time to Mum & Dad. It seems wrong on all sorts of levels.

I also hate the fact I still can't cry. Mum & Dad have been my friends, parents, role models etc, and yet I still can't cry for the absence I now have of them in my life. It feels so bad, and yet I know that when the time is right it will hit me ... I suppose seeing my teenage nephews in tears round Dad's grave on Friday made me feel that there was something wrong with me.

I am hoping to get someone to look at my fence today (waiting for a phone call), I had asked Tim some time ago, but he is "busy". In fact they are away on holiday this week, so hope the weather is good.

Sadly Nick is probably going to lose his job.  He has major health issues, including severe depression, and an ahour each ways drive is not helping.  He loves the job, but not the drive.  He admitted that he could have minimised his symptoms but realised that wouldn't have helped him.  So maybe he is learning to open up a bit.  For the 3 weeks Dad was dying he came every morning for an hour.  He and I did chat, mostly about "nothing", but it was good to be able to spend time with him.

Well, I am going to get sorted out for something to eat ... I am sure Jiffy will be happy to see me type that.

I will catch up with comments now - theye really helped.  Can't guarantee it will be today, but will be in the next few days.  I shall also start to get back to LJ properly, soon.  I have missed you - hope I haven't missed anything exciting in my absense.
Tags: dad, mum and dad, nick, rip, tim
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