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Eternal Refuge
Because Everyone Needs Dreams.
One Week On 
7th-Oct-2015 12:06 pm
Mum
.... And I still feel in limbo.

I suppose keeping Dad focused and OK is taking a lot out of me, although I feel guilty to say that as there is only him my focus is slightly easier.  I think for both of us, it is hard to believe that Mum has died, because last Jan she spent almost a month in hospital, so I keep expecting to get a date for her to come home.

We met with Tim at the funeral directors, and that was not as hard as I expected.  Although it felt weird to be buying a plot in a cemetary, it somehow didn't seem wrong fro the 3 of us to talk about what wood |Mum would want her coffin veneered in.

This afternoon I am off to the solicitors (a friend of Tim ... and he will be there).  The wills are old so Dad and I are executors.  Sadly Mum spoke of re-writing last year, so I know what she had wanted, but never got it done.  The other reason for the appt is that I have to be made Dad's Power of Attourney.  Mum had never wanted it to happen as it would upset the boys, but now we have a double tragedy to sort out.

Tomorrow Dad, Jiffy and I are going to my place again ... it's a tip.  We are meeting my best friend and her husband and they are going to help me sort out the spare room again.  Nick & Tim want to just sell this house, but I am going to do this in stages.  I hope to get to work for a couple of mornings a week (to start with), which means the 3 of us staying overnight in Exeter ... thus the room clear!  I don't know if Dad will cope, if not I will re-think.

Finally I want to thank you for the lovely comments you left ... I am going to reply to them (and previous comments) over the next couple of days.  Like when Jaykub died I have been suprised by those who care ... and those who don't!

Thanks for listening.

~~~~

On a slightly different note (but not!), I am trying to get back to some artwork from time to time ... to take my mind off the eulogy I have to write is the reason at the moment! So, thought I would sign up for a new comm .... I don't know how good I shall be, but I need my escape challenge ...

tvlims| Season 1 Sign ups.
Comments 
7th-Oct-2015 11:14 am (UTC)
Hey dear.I cannot imagine what you're going through. The limbo thing I sort of get when my grandma passed way.
But Mom's a Mom, right?

I hope you get everything settled down and that's all I can say, because really..I'm gonna send you lots of hugs and wish you a peaceful time cause you deserve it. <3
20th-Dec-2015 02:24 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel.
7th-Oct-2015 12:14 pm (UTC)
The estate stuff and taking care of the odds and ends can be almost as hard as the funeral. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your dad and your whole family.
20th-Dec-2015 02:25 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

The Estate still isn't settled ...which seems weird, as I thought it was simple. Oh Well!! Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel.
7th-Oct-2015 12:33 pm (UTC)
I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your Mom. This is me - sending love your way.
20th-Dec-2015 02:25 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

7th-Oct-2015 03:36 pm (UTC)
You've got so much emotional stuff on your plate just now, if fandom and artwork can give you a few moments of distraction and peace, you should indulge yourself. Lots to sort out. We will certainly understand if you aren't around much for a little while. *hugs*
20th-Dec-2015 02:26 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel. The art work has gone again, but I have promised myself that come the New Year I will get more organised (I hope!)
7th-Oct-2015 05:40 pm (UTC)
Yes, all the back and forth and paperwork is very exhausting.
20th-Dec-2015 02:26 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel.
7th-Oct-2015 07:40 pm (UTC)
The practical details can sometimes give you something to focus on and, strangely enough, lift the grief for a while.

You are wise not to rush into selling the house; it's your father's home, take time to do things at your own pace.. and getting power of attorney is essential.

Your eulogy will come from the heart..don't overthink it, just write what feels right to you to honour your beloved mother.

And above all find time for yourself.. both to do things like the artwork but also to grieve; you need Tim to step up now and take over the care of your dad for at least a full 24 hours a week; if Tim can't or won't then you need to get a carer's assessment and get some respite. That's something I can help you with you know so please don't hesitate to call/ text/ email/ whatever works for you.

I worry about you but know that you have great strength, both personally and in your faith.

((hugs)) my thoughts have been and will continue to be very much with you.

Edited at 2015-10-07 07:43 pm (UTC)
20th-Dec-2015 02:31 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel. When you wrote this it was before Dad had his stroke (I can't believe how much has happened) ... it is hard, and continues to be hard.

I saw Dad earlier and he was thinking he was still in hospital, so gard to get through to him some days. But I spoke to one of the carers, in front of him, and that really helped, so I wait for the next crisis!

Thank you so much for your thoughts, my faith and the one or two people who have kept in touch are what have got me through these days.

*hugs*
7th-Oct-2015 10:27 pm (UTC)
Since my mum just died last May, I know exactly what you are going through. It is hard and will be for some time. There really is nothing anyone can say that will make it better, but do know that even from across the pond, I am here for you. Hugs.
20th-Dec-2015 02:27 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

I know when you typed your news that I was so shocked and saddened, so I know that your pain is still recent ... *hugs* you again.

Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel.
7th-Oct-2015 10:38 pm (UTC)
Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Even when not unexpected, it's so hard to suddenly have that person's absence. *hugs*
20th-Dec-2015 02:28 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel.
8th-Oct-2015 07:36 am (UTC)
It's never the 'right' time for someone to go no matter when that is and it takes a long time to get used to. *hugs*

Will your Dad cope with the different house if you move him out of his home? Are you going to investigate a carer for him while you are at work to keep an eye on him?
20th-Dec-2015 02:32 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel. By now you probably know Dad had a stroke and has had to go into care - that was hard to sort out, as well.
8th-Oct-2015 03:22 pm (UTC)
It will take time to recover from the death of your mother. Changes have to be even harder for your father. I agree with others who have recommended getting a home care aide.

{{Hugs}}
20th-Dec-2015 02:32 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel. By now you probably know Dad had a stroke and has had to go into care - that was hard to sort out, as well.
9th-Oct-2015 03:10 am (UTC)
Continuing to remember you in my thoughts and prayers <3 Sending you lots of hugs too! Im so sorry youre going through this :(

Im glad you have something like your escape challenge to distract you though :)

Good look getting the rooms clear. I hope things go ok with your dad. Just take things a day at a time. Big big hugs!
20th-Dec-2015 02:33 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel. By now you probably know Dad had a stroke and has had to go into care - that was hard to sort out, as well.

Thankfully my faith has kept me going - we have a great God
9th-Oct-2015 07:16 am (UTC)
*BIGHUGS*
20th-Dec-2015 02:33 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

... and *hugs* again
9th-Oct-2015 03:58 pm (UTC)
I hope things went well at the solicitors and with the room sorting. Don't let Tim and Nick rush you into things, be strong and go at your own pace.

I'm sure your eulogy will turn out beautifully, it will come from the heart and will be full of love and happy memories.

As always sending love and thinking of you all *hugs*
20th-Dec-2015 02:34 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel. By now you probably know Dad had a stroke and has had to go into care - that was hard to sort out, as well.

Thank you so much Carolyn
10th-Oct-2015 06:06 pm (UTC)
My thoughts are with you. I hope you can find some distraction in the artwork.
20th-Dec-2015 02:34 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*
12th-Oct-2015 04:38 am (UTC)
Hope you are coping as best you can during such a trying time. My dad died 31 years ago so I do know that it is not easy losing a parent, at whatever age. You are in my thoughts. Don't let anyone pressure you to make decisions until you feel ready.
20th-Dec-2015 02:34 pm (UTC)
Hugely belated thanks for your wishes when Mum died.
*hugs*

Sadly I still feel in limbo ... I suppose with the worry over Dad's health I have yet to have time to focus on what I feel. By now you probably know Dad had a stroke and has had to go into care - that was hard to sort out, as well.
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