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Eternal Refuge
Because Everyone Needs Dreams.
At Long Last I Get A Few Minutes! 
5th-Feb-2015 07:16 pm
Spike - Always Alone
I am on Dad's pc writing this, but can't always get a signal as his router is not all that great ... until this last few weeks it wasn't worth replacing as Dad no longer uses the pc at all.  So that's why with all the time at M&D's I don't often get the internet when I actually have the time to sit down for a few minutes.

Sadly mum is not really coping ... very tired and depressed ... but wont get help, as she wont have people "telling her what to do" . She is upset with me as I spent last night in Exeter as I had treatment ...I needed to sleep after treatment, but that was not popular, however I persevered ... even though it meant she hadn't taken any tablets this morning. She has taken some for years but now there are less she wont take them, even though I have bought a weekly pot for her.  She is also finding herself with less tolerance for Dad's Alzheimer's ... and to make matters worse he has had a bad few days.  I think he relaxed when she came home, but relaxed too much!

Tim popped in to see them this afternoon for 1/2 hour, and Mum was so pleased to see him.  She was very foccussed and animated .. sad to say I find that very hard to cope with as it's good to know she is happy, but hard to be the one left to pick up the pieces.  He doesn't realise (neither does Nick) how tough life has been.  I am sure if I attempted to say anything, as well as the tears from me, there would be a disbelief and a protest of exageration from them.

Sorry to have that mini rant but I need to tell someone - and a few of you have been so supportive of me ... that has truly meant more than you can imagine.

I managed to go to work for a couple of days this week - although I commuted from here, so tired, but at least I got a few hours of "sanity"!

So, my house is a tip ... and I still have the Christmas Decs up as I just haven't had the time - by the time I have a moment it will be ready to re-decorate for next Christmas! Maybe I could start a new fashion!

Oh well I had better get back into the living room - mum moans that she is lonely.

Hope you are all keeping well - have I missed any vital news?  I do hope I can get back to regular LJ time soon.

5th-Feb-2015 08:44 pm (UTC)
*hugs* That's a tough situation. Be sure to take care of yourself as much as you can!
13th-Feb-2015 08:55 pm (UTC)
It is hard ... but nothing worthwhile is ever easy ... or so I keep telling myself

5th-Feb-2015 08:58 pm (UTC)
Stay strong in a hard situation.
14th-Feb-2015 04:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you ... I keep going, which is the main thing
5th-Feb-2015 09:18 pm (UTC)
Oh dear, it does sound pretty tough at present.

Could you ask one of the guys to stay for a couple of days so you can spend some time sorting out your own home? It seems only fair, and perhaps they might understand better. Either that or both parents will be wonderful - but even then you'll have had a break!
14th-Feb-2015 04:34 pm (UTC)
My brothers are so used to me living at mum and dads over weekends they dont think there is anything they should do ... after all they are so busy 😉

5th-Feb-2015 10:02 pm (UTC)
Eh, that's a though situation sweetie. I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with all of this alone. Why don't you ask the guys for some help? I think, as someone said, it's only fair. At least you can get things in order and refresh. You need that too, we're humans.

I really hope things will get back to an easier mode and that you and your parents can be well again.
14th-Feb-2015 04:37 pm (UTC)
Thank you

It's a long process but I think (hope) that mum is getting a bit stronger. Hard though as dad is still not too good with his Alzheimer's.

I have always spent weekends with mum and dad so my brothers cant see what the problem is ... after all they are very busy 😉
6th-Feb-2015 02:34 am (UTC)
It all sounds pretty rough on you, I hope you find the time to take some time for YOU to breath and gather.

Glad to hear you stayed the night to rest after your treatment.

Thinking of you and sending love and strength!!

14th-Feb-2015 04:39 pm (UTC)
Thanks ... it is hard, but most family life is!

Having friends who care is great
6th-Feb-2015 09:02 am (UTC)
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I personally would get some help - otherwise you are running yourself down and that won't do any of you any good. Sometimes parents need to be presented with something and realise it's for the best.

Remember to take care of yourself.
14th-Feb-2015 08:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks ... it's very hard some times .... but knowing that I have the support of friends, as well having a place I can let off steam if I need to, really helps.
6th-Feb-2015 03:29 pm (UTC)
*hugs* It's such a difficult situation for you (though I'm glad you managed to get a few minutes to get things off your chest on LJ).

Could you perhaps get Tim and Claire to spend a day at the weekend with your M&D so that you can get home to your own house for a while? Even if they don't see how difficult things are for you at least you'll have had some 'me' time.

Take care of yourself, I'm glad you did get to recover from your treatment, but your family need to realise that you are unwell as well, and if your health deteriorates the situation is going to be even more difficult to manage.

*more hugs*
14th-Feb-2015 08:26 pm (UTC)
Thanks .... I know that you have had more than your fair share of family pain.

Tim and Claire say they have to have a weekend off after a week at work ... AWWW .... poor kiddies 😒
6th-Feb-2015 10:51 pm (UTC)
OK. Your family need to help here " popping in" for half an hour does not cut it.

Call a family conflab and tell it like it is, tears and all and do so minus your parents.

You simply cannot go on like this sweetheart!

Ring 0808 808 7777

It's the Carers UK helpline you can talk, they will listen and they will help you to get the help and respite that you need.

Please do this; If you go under who will care for your mum and dad?
14th-Feb-2015 08:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks Deb ... and I am sorry to say that whatever where to be said, there would just be upsets ... but no change. Attitudes have always been the same in mums family and my brothers are so used to me being around at weekends, that they expect me to just extend those hours. Tim and Claire, although also in Exeter, are very set on their own plans ... and weekends have to be rest for the two of them.

Thanks for that number ... and yes, I do plan to use it.

Your support means more than you realize.

🌸 🌺 🌸
7th-Feb-2015 03:44 am (UTC)
Coping with aging parents is never a fun time, and when the burden falls mostly on one person (usually the daughter) it is even harder. It's really important that you make time for yourself - for your benefit and theirs. If you trash your own health, you'll be no use to them. Please take care of yourself.
14th-Feb-2015 08:46 pm (UTC)
I am trying to take a short "me" time break when I spend the day ... at least now I have a tablet I am finding it easier to take a few minutes to catch up with my special friend's.
7th-Feb-2015 06:18 am (UTC)
We are also unfortunately dealing with the aging parent/high maintenance scenario here. I keep meaning to update, but it has gotten away from me. It seems there is never enough time... for everything. It is important to take the time for yourself though, even if only in brief moments.
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.
14th-Feb-2015 08:52 pm (UTC)
Now I have a tablet I am able to update while watching TV with mum and dad.

In many ways I am glad I can help them ... but it's hard to see how disease is affecting them.

Hope you get a chance to update as it would be good to catch up. I miss your posts.

7th-Feb-2015 02:10 pm (UTC)
Hang in there, sweetheart and don't beat yourself up. Do what you can and don't try to second guess yourself or make yourself feel guilty over not doing enough.

We're here for you.

14th-Feb-2015 08:55 pm (UTC)
Friends here are really helping me ... I really feel the love and support.

7th-Feb-2015 11:57 pm (UTC)
I haven't been on LJ for awhile, but I always want to catch up with you when I do log on.

You are doing a wonderful thing for your parents, and even though it can seem thankless, the One Who Sees is watching over you and is with you every step of the way.

I will say prayers for you and your folks in church, and I hope you feel surrounded by love and support from across the ocean and a continent!

14th-Feb-2015 09:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you ... I have now bought a tablet ... so I am trying to keep up to date easier.

The love and support via LJ is very special, and means a lot

8th-Feb-2015 10:42 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah, taking meds or not, how I know this story. I often have to remind my dad but most days he takes them.

As 1/2 hour is not relevant for judging a situation. Tim should take a "whole shift" and then he'll probably see the day to day problems. Then they would have to believe you.

Feel free to rant, I'm due to an entry too. *sigh*
*hugs you tight*
14th-Feb-2015 09:35 pm (UTC)
Tim is very, very busy ... poor boy 😉

It is great to have somewhere to rant, isn't it ... I have made some good friends ... *hugs*
9th-Feb-2015 04:48 pm (UTC)
Alzheimer's is always hard to deal with, especially when one does also not feel well. Both need support and I am sure your parents are grateful you are there, even if they don't always act like it.
14th-Feb-2015 09:37 pm (UTC)
Alzheimer's is so cruel ... taking the person away ... and sadly they know what is happening to them.
10th-Feb-2015 08:12 pm (UTC)
I think you need to talk to your brothers about the need for them to help out. It is unfair for the whole responsibility for tending to your parents should fall on you.
14th-Feb-2015 09:40 pm (UTC)
My brothers are so used to me being around a lot that they presume I will just extend my time


Edited at 2015-02-14 09:40 pm (UTC)
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