So yesterday and today I watched a couple of episodes ... "Nightmares" and "Out of Mind, Out of Sight".
Both of which are good ... but hard to watch, for me.
We all have our Nightmares, and for most of us, they are recurring. So watching an episode where they come into rl makes me wonder how I would cope with those heartaches in reality ... and all of a sudden it seems easier to leave my fears to me dreams.
In the show it also reminded me that the things I fear are not the same as the worries of others. In the episode some fears seemed funny to their friends, but fears and terrors are real. Dad always teases me that I can run away from a tiny spider, yet I will make friends with a horse ... to him, horses are bigger than him, and therefore he can't cope with the idea. On that note I must admit my eyes were tightly closed when Wendel was having his spiders roaming around ... I am that freaked out!
Out of Mind, Out of Sight is probably the hardest of all the BtVS episodes (of all 7 seasons) to watch. I almost missed it out ... seeing the scenes of Marcie being ignored brought home too many memories. I can totally understand the feeling of being invisible, and the wish to become so. School life is hard on us all, but some people do get lost in this way. I left school in 1979, and still that episode makes me feel that I am still wearing my uniform.
I didn't join a spy school, though ... LJ has helped me to find friends ... and maybe to put some of those "nightmares" away ... although never to truly escape them.
A couple of weeks ago I saw a Buffy Survey on joans_journal ... so thought I would snag and add to this short post.
1. The first character I fell in love with
2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now
3. The character everyone else loves that I don’t
Willow ... in season 1 that I am watching, she is great ... but as she progresses in power, she increases in arrogance ... something I don't like.
4. The character I love that everyone else hates
Faith - she had a really tough life, and it left her truly vulnerable ... and therefore was pulled in by the wrong person, in a hope for love and support.
5. The character I used to love but don’t any more
Giles ... as he tried to kill Spike he lost my respect!
6. The character I would shag anytime
Spike! Silly question!!
7. The character I’d want to be like
Bits of a few really -
Buffy - I would love her strength.
Anya - I wish I could be honest about things more.
Tara - it is great that she stood up for herself (in the end) ... wish I could do that more.
8. The character I’d slap
9. A pairing that I love
10. A pairing that I despise
Buffy/Angel - he was so wrong for her, on so many levels. She was swept away by "first love" though.
11. Favorite male character (add a quote or favorite line)
Spike - "You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy."
12. Favorite female character (add a quote or favorite line)
Buffy - "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it."
13. My five favorite characters
Spike, Buffy, Tara, Dru, Oz
14. My five least favorite characters
Willow, Angel, Xander, Riley, Cordelia
15. Which character I am most like
Spike - I am loyal to those I love ... to the extent of walking away from others. Sadly, like him, I have never been loved ... but maybe I should learn for him, and keep looking!
16. My deep, dark fandom secret
I don't think I have any fandom secret - you and family and friends know I do art work, and have done some writing.