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Paraprosdokians 
9th-Aug-2012 12:48 pm
James - thinky thoughts
Paraprosdokians ... (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of asentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted pay cheques.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

Enjoy your day!

Comments 
9th-Aug-2012 03:01 pm (UTC)
love these :)
9th-Aug-2012 03:11 pm (UTC)
They are great!
9th-Aug-2012 03:17 pm (UTC)
Ps: sorry about that comment that I deleted. It was supposed to be on someone else's entry but my LJ app on my phone was being goofy, sorry!
9th-Aug-2012 04:19 pm (UTC)
*g* - I was just about to comment that I thought that was what had happened when I saw it disappear!

I love computers (and phones) ... but sometimes....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9th-Aug-2012 06:36 pm (UTC)
Ahh the joys of technology...a blessing and a curse all at the same time ;)
9th-Aug-2012 03:37 pm (UTC)
I had no idea there was a name for it! Cool!
9th-Aug-2012 04:20 pm (UTC)
No, I was the same when my friend sent me the e-mail!

So very educational, on every level!
9th-Aug-2012 03:49 pm (UTC)
Wonderful! Love 'em :D

My face has to be:
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
9th-Aug-2012 04:21 pm (UTC)
There were some truly brilliant statements there - I think I preferred ...
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
9th-Aug-2012 08:54 pm (UTC)
I love it when I learn a new word! Thank you
10th-Aug-2012 05:58 pm (UTC)
LOL - I didn't know these phrases had a name till I got the e-mail!
10th-Aug-2012 04:03 pm (UTC)
Stolen! I love it, so I had to send it off for other people to see. Thanks for making me laugh today.
10th-Aug-2012 05:58 pm (UTC)
It's good to share the giggles.
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