Here is a meme I snagged from orangerfulorangerful
- Ask me to take a picture of any aspect of my life that you're interested in - it can be anything from the house I live in to my favourite shoes. Leave your choice here as a comment, and I will reciprocate by taking the pictures and posting them as an LJ entry. Ask for as many as you want!
And, as ever, I am playing catch-up .... Happy Birthday, yesterday to brunettepet
I had a fairly good weekend, although still haven't started on all the letters I need to write to thank people for the lovely cards I had for Dad. Every time I sit to write one Jiffy disturbs me, of the phone rings. I really must get sorted out.
Still I did get up to date with washing and ironing ..... and made some peanut biscuits, so some important things got done.
When we were kids we had a record player with a few 78's .... a few hymns, a version of Black Sambo, Peter & the Wolf .... and this amazing song. It became a true family favourite.
A couple of times they played it to people who were superior about their taste in music.
Tim has just sent me the link, so had to listen ... and had to share.
So you can listen while you ignore my ramble!
First let me apologise for my lack of LJ, lack of birthday wishes, lack of keeping up. I started back at work this week, and although I only work 3 1/2 days a week I was absolutely shattered by the time I got home. So my evenings were spent snoozing in front of thf the TV, and going to bed early.
6 years ago I was still an osteopath, and riding regularily. Since then the chronic fatigue hit, and I spent time caring for Mum & Dad. Everyone has been telling me that I need to find myself. I haven't really had any "me" time ... ever. Mum was very clingy, and it got worse over the years. Yes, I knew she was like that and accepted it, but now it's hard to think that I only have myself (and Jiffy) to answer to. Anyway, one thing I have decided to do is to join a gym ... gulp! I never thought I would do such a thing. The one I have joined has a pool, jacuzzi and sauna as well aas regular revues for the gym, and loads of classes. So I have had the basic gym induction over the last couple of weeks ... and this morning I actually did my first session today. I am aimimg to help my posture, build up my stamina and strengthen my core. So, watch this space!!
I saw my osteopath again today, and he was pleased with how well by body has coped with the latest changes.
Poor Jiffy has to have surgery .... The infection in his anal gland is getting slowly worse, and the benign wart on his face is now being scrathed, so I presume it feels sore. He is booked in for early October, so a nervous time for me, as he is over 10 now.
However to take my mind off things I took him to a nearby town for a lovely walk this afternoon ... in fact I even treated myself to an ice-cream. However, as I was texting a very special friend, I still feel guilty, as there is housework that needs doing. It feels wrong to fritter my time away, although I have to admit I feel pretty relaxed as I type this.
Well still haven't got round to reply to comments, but I really hope that now I am getting back into a routine I will have more focus and get caught up, Also will be able to catch up with you all ... if I have missed anything, let me know.
Strictly Come Dancing has started, so must focus on that ... the countdown towards Christmas!!!!
10 days on and I am getting round to writing a bit about dad's funeral.. Like with Mum we all took part, with the 4 boys doing the readings.
Tom started proceedings with this ...
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not here to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes, filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry, the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things, we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
And each time you think of me, I know you'll miss me too.
When tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart.
For every time you think of me, I'm right there in your heart.
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand.
That God came and called my name and took me by the hand.
He said my place is ready in heaven for above,
And that I have to leave behind all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away a tear fell from my eye,
For all my life I'd always thought it wasn't my time to die.
I had so much to live for and so much yet to do,
It seems almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.
If I could have stayed for just a little while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realize that this could never be,
For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things that I'd miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through Heaven's gate and felt so much at home,
As God looked down and smiled at me form his great golden throne.
He said this is eternity and all I've promised you,
Today your life on earth is past but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow but today will always last,
And since each day's the same here there's no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me I'm right here in your heart.
By: Jamie Leigh Dale
Tim was actually leading the service, but Tom started first. We had 3 hymns that Dad chose years ago as well as Dan and Tom doing Bible readings. Again Nick asked me and I knew what Dad's favourite chapters were .... 1 John 1 and Revelation 21. The final reading the boys did was this poem read by Joe ...
The Broken Chain
We little knew the day that
God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn’t go alone.
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories.
Your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken
and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one
the chain will link again.
by Ron Tranmer
Nick chose one poem, and Tim the other ... and they just fitted in so well for my daddy
Over the last few days it seems as if a few of my f-list have listed some songs, or music details. Well I had to go to the dentist again today, for the tooth problem that started at Easter. She took an impression for a plate to fill the gap, but doubts I can have one as my bite is wrong ... I do think at 55 it's a bit late to change that!! Anyway, we wait and see what the technitions say.
Anyway, back to music. As well as inheriting photos, jewellery, books etc from Mum I also gained an increase in her CDs. I was listening to some this morning in the car (well I have to use a USB) and heard one song which I admit to loving ....
Not quite a 2016 #1, but fun none the less!
I have this week off, and although there is lots I should be doing, I am going to take the advice of an amazing friend and rest more than work. In some ways it feels so wrong, but then I think of yesterday morning when I didn't wake up till gone 10am. For the first time in 3 years I haven't been tuned into my phone, and for the first time ever I haven't got to account for my time to Mum & Dad. It seems wrong on all sorts of levels.
I also hate the fact I still can't cry. Mum & Dad have been my friends, parents, role models etc, and yet I still can't cry for the absence I now have of them in my life. It feels so bad, and yet I know that when the time is right it will hit me ... I suppose seeing my teenage nephews in tears round Dad's grave on Friday made me feel that there was something wrong with me.
I am hoping to get someone to look at my fence today (waiting for a phone call), I had asked Tim some time ago, but he is "busy". In fact they are away on holiday this week, so hope the weather is good.
Sadly Nick is probably going to lose his job. He has major health issues, including severe depression, and an ahour each ways drive is not helping. He loves the job, but not the drive. He admitted that he could have minimised his symptoms but realised that wouldn't have helped him. So maybe he is learning to open up a bit. For the 3 weeks Dad was dying he came every morning for an hour. He and I did chat, mostly about "nothing", but it was good to be able to spend time with him.
Well, I am going to get sorted out for something to eat ... I am sure Jiffy will be happy to see me type that.
I will catch up with comments now - theye really helped. Can't guarantee it will be today, but will be in the next few days. I shall also start to get back to LJ properly, soon. I have missed you - hope I haven't missed anything exciting in my absense.
How do I write what I have to write - especially after 36 hours of being awake, but I suppose the easiest thing to say is that this morning, with Jiffy and myself by his side, Dad went Home to be with His Saviour & Lord.
He was such a lovely man, and I know touched the hearts of those he met. I shall miss him, the laughs we have had and the support he has given me. He has been such an inspiration to me, and the rest of the family. And, over these last 3 weeks sitting with him during the day, then staying those last 36 hours, so many of the staff (even those who had little to do with him) came to speak to him, to see one of his grins.
Having been diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago, he learned the hard way about struggling, then less than a month after Mum died he had his major stroke, which was where I had to agree to the sad decision that he had to go into care. However I have seen how wonderfully he was looked after there for these last 9 months ... and especially over these last 3 weeks. But after struggling with he is now at peace, and reunited with Mum.
I know this doesn't really do justice to my wonderful father but I didn't sleep at all last night, so I shall do a proper post soon. Like with Mum I will be doing a eulogy, so will share that when I have my thoughts together ...
Until then I leave you with a couple of teasers - yes, my daddy
I love you Dad xx xx
To help take my mind off the limbo that my life has become, I did a meme that I had bookmarked some time ago. Not something I can do while at home as I amm too focussed on listening for my phone, but here with Dad while he is asleep I can let myself focus elsewhere.
I snagged this from thenewbuzwuzz
... Here are the rules:
1. Pick 5 fandoms and list them in alphabetical order
2. Visit this site
to find your first Random Poem Of Power. Write down the 5th line (yes, even if it's an E.E. Cummings poem and you wind up with an apostrophe). Repeat five times and - you guessed it - list 'em in alphabetical order! (No cheating, mind! This is a challenge and it's always been about creativity.)
3: I think you can see where this is going. Write a very quick 50-word half-drabble for each fandom (try to do it all in one sitting - make your brain explode!), using the line from the poem as a prompt. You don't have to include it in the half-drabble - it's just inspiration.
My 5 fandoms in alphabetical order are -
1 Blakes 7
5 Stargate SG1
So here are my attempts ....( Read more...Collapse )
This morning Dad and I listened to a double CD of hymns, and Dad wnted me to sing ... shows what a strong person he is if he can cope with that!!! By then it was lunch, and they got a small amount of soup into him, as well as a small scoop of chocolate mousse.
Tim and Claire came in for 5 minutes, which was a "joy" .... I did learn that the house is exchanged, and the deposit paid, so we are letting them have a set of keys today so they can store stuff. I have to go there this evening - and it's a Goodbye to the last family home for me. I also have to take photos of the gas/elec/water meters, and Claire wants pictures of the empty rooms. They were upset as they couldn't get tme off work and mentioned about the days going past .... I made the mistake of saying that I was worried about work, and they just said that I was OK to have the 3 weeks off with no questions.
About 10 mins after they left Nick arrived. He was delayed as he had started work today, but apparantly had been called to a meeting and he is now suspended on full pay awaiting an occupational health report. Hard for him as he has planned his lessons as from Monday, but good that the school is keeping an eye on him. I had ordered him lunch (which had annoyed Claire), but was really glad I had when I heard this news. He was only here a short time before he had to head off again.
This afternoon, as well as going to Mum & Dad's I have to take Jiffy to the vets. He should have gone last week for a check up, but haven't wanted to be away from Dad ... today I just need to get him checked, as I have to take the keys there anyway.
Well as you can imagine, there's no real news.
I do want to say sorry for the lack of focus on your posts ... I hope I haven't missed anything vital.
This will be f-locked because of my Claire comment!!
Dad is still with us, but drifting slowly towards Heaven. Very little response today, but still an occasional smile. He told me a few days ago he was chatting to mum. So great to see his mind full of happy memories at this time.
I spoke to my best friend today ... only to find out she had a breast biopsy yesterday, and din't tell me so as not to upset me.
However maybe it is good for us both to have the other one to worry about.
Yes, I owe replies - but my brain can't focus when I am with Dad as I am now. Thank you for your love and support - it truly means more than I can say.
While I have been sitting with Dad I have been able to make a few icons, so I could complete my set for the first round of wc20in20 .... No, Brits, WC is not what you are thinking, but it is wild card. We had to pick a season of BtVS, and we were given the episode. I chose season 2, and was given the episode "Suprise" ... certainly not one I would have picked for myself.
Anyway, here are the 3 teasers .... ( Here is the full setCollapse )